Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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