I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
