We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
