Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
