two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
