Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
