her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
