one might say we're banned from that church
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
