I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
