just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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