Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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