i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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