Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
