I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
