We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
