I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
