JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
