Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
