Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
