I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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