Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
