Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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