Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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