I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
