Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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