I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
