Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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