my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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