Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
it glows. i had to have it.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
