If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
