If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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