shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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