I hate your face
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
