this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
