he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
