No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
