i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
