stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
