Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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