my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Randomize
