he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
