We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
PANTIES FOUND
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