we have pet lesbian snakes
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
