the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
