Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
