Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
