I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
How's work?
Spinning.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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