I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
