no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
