i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
