I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
