Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
