Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
