your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
